I’ve come to see over the past few years that life and as its put religion is not as it always seems and i’ve been trying to research for myself the truths. I know of what i’ve read, and heard but thats not the same as self discovery.

I’ve realised how much belief in something/someone can influence an outcome and many of the emotions related to it. From Many believing in a healing of a person – Even me (a few years ago my knee clicked out and X-rays showed something torn inside – I could not walk…

People in my youth group prayed with me believing it could help and when I went back the next day to hospital able to walk they re-checked new X-rays to show nothing wrong just a little brusing) so I know from my own sight it works and that in itself re-inforces my faith and belief in it.

I’ve seen when many are focused and placing their belief on something be it in a ritual, worship, prayer, or even faith in a sports team that things happen – people are motivated and a type of euphoria is felt by so many.

It just gets me thinking at what people are really able to do if they put their mind to it and believe in themselves, each other and trust oneanother.

I seem to fill my life with un-needed stuff, be it TV, Computer games, possessions or money – To be working all the time to the point where I don’t know what I should be doing when not working. How do I relax, stop – what do I do?

I worry about a lot of stuff all the time, I don’t know what to do so instead I hide behind the comforts and distractions of home but at the end of the day I know i’ve not acheived anything and still in the place where I don’t know where to go. I guess friends would help me – if they really knew or understood but first I need to know what to say and whom I can trust with it.

I don’t really know if I could do this: Give it all up – sell it off and pay off the debts – be it loans, overdrafts, credit cards or take a chunk of the mortgage or even give up the house and follow my heart and see where it takes me.