Looking back, Forward is now.

Its been a while since I’ve updated this, and its only every so often that I get around to doing so. Not particularaly when I have time, usually when I don’t have time I think the most to write.

Ever since I got some encouraging comments that people enjoyed what I wrote, and that they were reading it to see how I was doing and what I am up too, I stopped writing. I couldn’t think what to write, how to write the thoughts and explain myself.

Upon looking back it was kinda stupid as I wouldn’t have got those comments if people were not reading…

So here I am again, thinking outloud… A start that I hope to keep going. Maybe february will be more interesting… We’ll See.

Everything stopped

I’ve managed to allow everything to stop for a few days to try and relax and see what else can be done.

Its strange to not have anything planned – No dancing, no work, no trampolining, no events, no work, nobody to meet and no play – just stop and think.

While stopped I start looking, I see that life is full of stuff I probably don’t need but put there to fill in the time. I know there is always something I should be doing in some way or another but to stop and look at all that I am or could be reminds me of different things.

I see that I am not whom I thought I could be and see different ways that I can improve myself if I give it the time – be that in personality, fitness, finance, or happyness.

But to stop and look, I wonder what to do – Even stopped its as though there is so much to do, nothing planned yet so much to do… House work, garden work, fixing, tidying, organising, meeting people, talking, websites, work, research, fitness, health, and the list continues.

I have been very fortunate in life, I’ve always had people support me and still do but still I find it difficult and often make mistakes. I think its a good idea to stop every so often, and let the mind catch up so things start to make a little more sense again.

I am free without direction

While in my dream…
I hear people speak I do not want to hear. They are calling for my attention yet I ignore – I let it pass and they think I’ve not heard.

The air is smooth, and without direction yet I want to go out and freely roam the land. I think I can fly, and float above the earth. The air is like music, and I am floating across the rhythem.

Many make fun, and insult yet some watch and wonder. I am free to the world but don’t know where I should be. I can see so many ways to go, but afraid of what may happen.

I see someone take charge, and ask questions – I think to Encourage one another and suggest it as its writen down. I sit on a hill, there are many others confused also sitting down looking for guidance.

We are watching and listening, all together waiting to see what we should do next. I dont know whats going to happen, I do not understand.

Is this a life I am living, can I not see something I should be doing?

I want to return to the dream – When it makes sense and I feel more like me than anywhere else. Whats next I wonder – I am so confused.

Hidden Light, Darkness Prevails.

In my dream I saw a lot of friends from past times, getting on a stage with a group I recognised from church events. They started to dance, many were doing trance dance moves in motion with the music and beat that came on.

We were in a big hall, lots of people and myself – the hall was on a slant, getting steeper the further back you went. At first I kept falling forward until I got my grip.

After some time the slant was gone and we were all just watching, in a kind of silence where we could hear what was happening on stage but everything else was silent.

We watched and the dancing continued. It seemed amazing, then the stage lights went off… the music continued althou a lot quieter, and a voice came on asking the audience what was happening, could we still see the dance, could we still see the joy and happyness – we couldn’t.

We couldn’t see because we no longer saw the light, no-one was allowing us to see what was happening. We were blinded from what we could have and could get – If felt so wrong and that we were cheated, all because we couldn’t see with the darkness.

It got me thinking within the dream and now in the real world that we all have the choice for Joy and happyness if we have a light shining in our lives. But so often we cover it with reasons of why not to show it.

Its still a part of us, and makes us amazingly happy and when people do see it they often get happy too and want to see and have it for themselves but instead we either want it just for us or dont want to be embarrased – don’t want to be singled out, or riddiculed.

We are so ready to get hurt we never see what benefit it could be to others and how it could so amazingly shine through them.

So I say, “Let your light shine, and don’t cover it up” – You could multiply it so many many others can also be in joy and happyness too.

Welcome 2009

The year has started, 2009 is here and now. So far so good. I had a good night with friends – relaxed, fun and full of joy and happyness.

There was drinking, food, lots of singing, occasional dancing, fireworks, warmth inside and freezing outside. I met up with friends i’ve known since school time, and all met round ones house. Chilled out, played on the singstar which I’m started to get better at I think… Not too sure if thats a good thing. Drank more than I usually would, and somehow felt OK after it all.

Singing in the new year, with friends and happyness is a great feeling. This year apparently we all had to wait a whole extra second in 2008 til 2009 started but the time was gone if you had time to think about all that you could use that extra second for.

Before heading out to meet friends, I was talking online and had a shot or so of Tia, banana liquer stuff, and pasoa… At friends house I recall having 4 VK blues, 3 VK Silver ones, and a glass of champaign… On way back in morning another Banana liquer stuff and somehow still felt great.

I think it had a lot to do with the previous days preparations… I drank lotsa water, ate a good combination of veg and meat… and had a nap mid afternoon to be rested for a good night and it certainly was a good night/morning… heading to bed around 5:30am. I got up again around 1:30pm refreshed with no hangover somehow.

Had a good relaxing day today and just writing up and posting on here before chilling out probably to play some games and chat more online with others.

So its been a new year now and I don’t really make resolutions for new year however I would like to try and find new things I can be involved with and that I can love… Salsa last year was a suprisingly good thing so I wonder what else is out there that I can try.