Chilled Night Out

Chilled Night Out

The night was cold, snow and icey around and under – Refreshing change, chilling but fun. The moon was bright and full and making the snow and ice shine as we walked though it all.

I went to a friends 20th on last night (Saturday), drank lots of sweet drinks and cocktails – Felt secure, and safe and very happy. Got to know some I knew by faces only better on the night – it was fun.

It ended so early, met around 8.30pm to 9pm and people left before midnight. Everyone but me had gone by midnight – it felt so early as thou we were just starting but they had things they had to be up for in the morning for work or other things so headed off early.

I couldn’t go yet, I felt an urge to do … something, anything that didn’t involve heading strait to be – not sure I could have anyway with the amount of sugar I had drank – Merry is close to where I got, but was expecting to be out after 2 am so paced the drinks.

I wandered, alone watching the world around me. Noticed a HUGE wheel in middlesbrough where I think before there was a big bottle – maybe it just hides the bottle.

I wandered and went where I felt directed… In the end it was a giant square. I saw so much – so many “drunken” people – it didn’t look like they were having a great time. A LOT of police everywhere – especially on corners. I’ve not really been out in middlesbrough in a long time. I did on my 30th for a little while but not really gone out out… if that makes sense.

I enjoy dancing, and if I was aware that we were just going to be out pre-midnight, i’d have maybe organised to go to the salsa thing in stockton afterwards however didn’t go in the end. Got a taxi home around 1am – about an hour of wandering.

Apparently there was many from work out tonight – i didn’t see them, but was suprised at the sheer amount of people out – only realising its end of month at the end of the night which explains it a bit. Everyone Paid – so out to party.

I enjoyed the night but wanted it to be much longer. Do I appreciate it more as it was short? I dunno as it was so short.

Plans for sunday: Read more of “The colour of Magic” and meet with another friend. Really enjoying reading, althou it does take me quite a while.

Happy now…

I have a joy inside me that i’ve really no idea where its really coming from, maybe its me looking forward to tonight – seeing so many friends and enjoying a night out celebrating a birthday – Probably that.

But i’ve heard things that have given me a buzz. As I’ve said before I do love looking at the moon and this morning / tonight there is a full one in the sky. I think its got a lot to do with the many great memories I’ve got associated with nights where I’ve seen it. A commonality between episodes.

Went to bed last night around 2am, and saw the moon nicely in the sky over the very heavy looking clouds… Woke this morning to clear blue sky and a white covering all over wherever was green – quite a change but still kinda exciting.

Anyhow… Going for a walk and when back getting ready to go out. For now, I just feel really happy – So i’m sticking with it. Quite different to my last post.

Not so great…

This afternoon I’ve not felt too brilliant. I was very tired and felt slugish, no mental or body energy for a while so laid down and went to sleep.

I remember dreaming but it wasn’t nice. Over the past few nights it hasn’t been too nice. There seems to be a negative feeling over them all.

From being hurt in some way and feeing the pains while awakening before realising I’m awake and it passing to the feelings that something was trying to get rid of me. I don’t know why but I don’t like it.

I feel very hot, and can not seem to cool down quickly then suddenly the oposite – really cold unable to warm up. Is it normal? I usually dream nice things, or only seem to remember the nice things anyway. This side I don’t like…

I want to return to my adventures but maybe there is something I need to do – But I need to remember what that something is or to work it out, I hope I work it out soon.

Addicted to sugar

I think I’m addicted to sugar and sweet things. I just love the taste and can not think of almost any day that I’ve not had something with sugar in it. I can recall a time when my headaches were bad and I cut cafeen out – that took chocolate out at the same time. I did it for a month – it didn’t effect the headaches – I still got them.

I know there are many addictions, and freinds have struggled through the withdrawl and pains of it all. I am thankful that I’m not diabetec – I don’t think I’d survive. Many of my friends are, and at least I’ve usually got something on me that can help them if their sugars drop low. So thats kind of a posative to it all.

The Daily Photo Blog

It didn’t work, I couldn’t manage past about 8 days I think it was when the camera ran out of power and I’ve still not found the battery charger. Its a strange block thing. Found lots of batteries, none of which have energy in them. I can probably get a charger on ebay – pitty I don’t know which one it is.

Maybe I’ll try a weekly message instead. I’d like to see how I change over the year – I’ll try using the camera in the top of the laptop to take a picture a week and see if I change at all… If anything it’ll show me aging of sorts.

No Particular Title

Its been a while again since i’ve really spoken out on here. Although I enjoy the ability it gives me to share whats happening in life and general thoughts, I really don’t share all that I feel. I doubt I ever will at least in the online world.

I have been out dancing salsa – i never realised how much I appologise when I get things wrong until my partner said something and I actually heard myself saying sorry. It’s not that it was particually wrong or right, just not as I saw it should be and for some reason I say “I’m Sorry” or just “Sorry”.

I didn’t go dancing for a long time, and I really missed it – it is something that excites and scares me at the same time. Unfortuantly it seems to show the fear in my face – have to work out how to hide that again.

Is it good that my feelings are finally showing through me instead of just holding it all back. Maybe its something in the freedoms of dance that allows it to shine through… and I’m sure over time that it won’t be fear showing but joy.

It really does make me happy and give me a kind of High feeling… happyness with a great big smile and an energy that I must do something more.

I’ve signed up back at the Arc in Stockton for some of the classes in the Salsa Improvers class. Its quite a bit different to other classes – seems much more of a show and practice and personal tuition at the moment – there isn’t many that go there yet so I’m getting good practice. I feel I’ve learned much in the first session and it was only an hour long. I’ll probably go earlier next week and go to the beginners class aswell.

I had some real good encouragement, exactly when I needed it and am thankful for it. I’m getting more active in life in general and feeling a lot better for it aswell.

Anyhow, I’ll leave it for tonight. I just had so much to express after class. So for a change I’ve updated people instead of sitting back and just watching a movie or something.

Not truelly here

Some time ago, its hard to think when it all really started I became very stressed and all of a sudden got the feeling that I wasn’t truely really here. I have basically had this feeling ever since, but because it has been so long, I tend to forget about it, but then sometimes I realise that I’ve still got it, which frightens me.

It is very hard to explain, but I feel as though I am detached from people, as though I am living in my head. It is as though I have a veil in front of my eyes that separates me from people. My vision is not affected, but sometimes things feel very dreamy.

I have to really concentrate on things happening before me. It almost feels as though my brain is separate from my body.

Most friends would say I was normal, just like everyone else but in reality I hide myself behind that person so that people don’t see the real me and althou I want people to see and accept me I don’t want to be rejected either.

So when it all gets difficult, and I am ignored I disappear into the dream like world where I can control whats going on while continuing this life… Its like living two simultanious lives at once. I can’t say I’m unhappy in life, just wanting more from it.


More recently I’ve wanted to play board games rather than computer based ones.. going back to a time before computers were everywhere. Always have enjoyed

Older IT games, before facebook there was neopets. Recently I’ve discovered I have pets on the game over 8 years of age… probably older than some of the people now playing on it strangely enough.

I remember times of Shareware games in DOS. Great fun in the olden times, sharing how to do things, get past codes and make our own versions and passing them on.

A Year Day By #Day @orange_penguins

Another blog… except daily with pictures:

The plan is to take a picture of something in that day, and write some thoughts on whats happened or something like that. So far its been kept up to date.

Day 1: End of 2009
Day 2: Beggining 2010
Day 3: Read left or right its the same date in the US
Day 4: End of new years break
Day 5: Back to work
Day 6: Semi fake milk
Day 7: The sixth day

So one week down so far, 51 or so to go.

So #in2010 My list #toDo And #doit I Shall Try

My 2010 #toDo List. Some I need, some I’d like, All that i’d like to acheive:

  • Enjoy Life
  • Make New friends and keep in contact with old ones
  • Write at least a weekly blog post, try for 3 a week
  • Update into something real instead of just Orange Penguins
  • Get fitter (try swimming more often for example)
  • Learn Sumasaults in Trampolining
  • Complete a sponsored Event
  • Continue a 365 photo blog and keep it going
  • Learn how to utilise Twitter