The Lost Passion to Re-Awaken

I’ve been finding a lot of my old diary notes of many years ago – Some from school times, others from uni and realise a lot has changed in Life, although I look back and see that I never really had any particular target in life, I expected that You grow, you get a job, then a wife, and then a family and the circle is complete.

Well, thats not really happened in life. I’ve got the Job part down, but thats been there for around 8 years now and no other to call wife, or partner even so no chance of family.

I look back and have found that I’ve not had an ambition more than to one day run my own business – This year that started. Then, when I thought of this, I didn’t know what I wanted to do a business in – just to run one and hopefully help people in a way that could help me keep doing it.

I found my old “Year book for 1995 school leavers” and read through it. I found my entry for “Fantastic Fact” – I put down I was a Christian, and still when I look back I wonder how I was so bold to put it down. Initially when I put it down I was told I couldn’t have that as its embarassing and the people that took them to be made up scribbled it out. I got around it as was helping to type them up into the computer and added and saved it then. I’m still pleased that I chose too – it felt right then and still 15+ years on it still feels right as it is a part of whom I am.

In life, I seemed to take an approach of What can I do well, I’ll keep doing that. In Education, I could use a computer well at school whereas most other subjects I didn’t do well at so I went into computers – how to build, how to make programs for them, and fix issues people had in them. I’ve always just stuck to it. Finished school, did a BTEC in IT at college, and a degree in IT at Uni and now work in it… but I’m not sure its what I always want to do.

I’ve spoken to a lot of people recently and discovered that many of them, have followed much the same plan as me but in different subjects. Now they work in something totally unrelated but love the work they do. It got me thinking – why have I limited myself to one job category when I could work anywhere.

I can recall a time where I wanted to “Save the environment” or “save animals” with projects working with GreenPeace or RSPCA… Nowadays its more, send a little of my money to them or promoting recycling through work and home. I don’t seem to have the same passion that helped me along before and I am in search to refind it.

I do enjoy work most of the time, but think there is change due… be that in my business taking off and allowing me to work just the one job or moving somewhere else and starting afresh. There are lots of things I could apply my knowledge too that I have from my educations and the friendships I’ve made over the time.

I am starting to realise through work that “no” doesn’t always mean “No” but often means “I don’t understand what your asking, can you ask me another way?” – This I think is to do with the networking things I’ve been researching to do with my business.

When I was a lot younger (in school) I was told I had an active imagination – this helped me through a lot of things, be it problem solving by seeing the multiple posabilities or just dreaming into another place to get through time. I use my imagination a lot now, and can often have lucid dreaming which can allow you to do whatever your imagination allows you too.

I am seeing that I have many opertunities in life now, since my trip away to london. Strange that it took me being somewhere totally different to see that where I am I can do so much. I’ve been afraid to try some things, a lack of confidence of “what if” rejections but if I never try it then I am just rejecting myself automatically so I will try and see how it goes – Only better can it be, as if not done I was rejected anyhow.