happy

Day 17 – your highs and lows of this past year.

Posted on by JC

I’ve had a mixture of Highs and Lows over the past year. Many lows that I wont be going into but will probably write about when I feel like it.

Some of the high’s

  • Spring Harvest 2011
  • Finding the Trigger for migrains
  • Pain relief from lack of migrains
  • Discovered things I enjoy such as Rock Climbing
  • Made many new friends
  • Northampton Time – seeing friends from Uni Times
  • Getting involved with events I’ve helped with in the background

Some of the lows

  • Finding the Trigger for migrains to be chocolate
  • Not having someone to share stuff with

Day 8 – A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Posted on by JC

I was out in a field, surrounded by friends in a place I felt very safe and yet totally away from normal life. I knew and still do know that my friends will support me in whatever I was to try.

Life, I can’t say was or is perfect but Happy, yes, certainly happy and the knowledge that anything can change at any point and those around me will support me is quite exciting.

Happy now…

Posted on by JC

I have a joy inside me that i’ve really no idea where its really coming from, maybe its me looking forward to tonight – seeing so many friends and enjoying a night out celebrating a birthday – Probably that.

But i’ve heard things that have given me a buzz. As I’ve said before I do love looking at the moon and this morning / tonight there is a full one in the sky. I think its got a lot to do with the many great memories I’ve got associated with nights where I’ve seen it. A commonality between episodes.

Went to bed last night around 2am, and saw the moon nicely in the sky over the very heavy looking clouds… Woke this morning to clear blue sky and a white covering all over wherever was green – quite a change but still kinda exciting.

Anyhow… Going for a walk and when back getting ready to go out. For now, I just feel really happy – So i’m sticking with it. Quite different to my last post.

No Particular Title

Posted on by JC

Its been a while again since i’ve really spoken out on here. Although I enjoy the ability it gives me to share whats happening in life and general thoughts, I really don’t share all that I feel. I doubt I ever will at least in the online world.

I have been out dancing salsa – i never realised how much I appologise when I get things wrong until my partner said something and I actually heard myself saying sorry. It’s not that it was particually wrong or right, just not as I saw it should be and for some reason I say “I’m Sorry” or just “Sorry”.

I didn’t go dancing for a long time, and I really missed it – it is something that excites and scares me at the same time. Unfortuantly it seems to show the fear in my face – have to work out how to hide that again.

Is it good that my feelings are finally showing through me instead of just holding it all back. Maybe its something in the freedoms of dance that allows it to shine through… and I’m sure over time that it won’t be fear showing but joy.

It really does make me happy and give me a kind of High feeling… happyness with a great big smile and an energy that I must do something more.

I’ve signed up back at the Arc in Stockton for some of the classes in the Salsa Improvers class. Its quite a bit different to other classes – seems much more of a show and practice and personal tuition at the moment – there isn’t many that go there yet so I’m getting good practice. I feel I’ve learned much in the first session and it was only an hour long. I’ll probably go earlier next week and go to the beginners class aswell.

I had some real good encouragement, exactly when I needed it and am thankful for it. I’m getting more active in life in general and feeling a lot better for it aswell.

Anyhow, I’ll leave it for tonight. I just had so much to express after class. So for a change I’ve updated people instead of sitting back and just watching a movie or something.

Fun Times – BTC Awards Night

Posted on by JC

On saturday night I went to a trampoline awards night for the club I’m in. Before I went I felt really nervous but couldn’t figure out why – i was shaking or at least felt I was constantly. I got there late, but just in time as my name was announced to come forward for a suprise award – basically as I was a recognised member.

I found my table, and sat with friends and people i knew. This years event was a lot better than last year. Some were drinking a lot, and fairly drunk but still standing. I was not drinking alchol but enjoyed soft drinks and watching and listening to what was happening.

Dinner was different – Half a chicken and squishy chips. The chicken was very tasty but didn’t look like it was going to be. The chips didn’t seem to have any flavour.

There was dancing, but I didn’t feel like joining in. I spoke with lots of friends and worked out who some people were that I’ve spoken with but never known who they were. At the end of the evening – I did get up to dance, it just felt right too – I did notice it was video’d but its all good… however think i was the only real tea-total one at that point on the dance floor.

I do enjoy dancing, its just random movement to music and every so often it looks like you know what your doing. I can disappear into the music so its like your on a river flowing through the notes and following an adventure route knowing roughly where its going and enjoying the ride.

It was a good night. I really enjoyed it.

A Dream – Its all OK

Posted on by JC

Last nights dream was interesting, I recall being out with people and seeing a friend thats been ill in hospital. I’ve not heard how they have been doing althou enquire every other day. But it felt like a sign, that they are reaching out and saying its all going to be okay – I know that I pray that they are.

I awoke with words in mind, not just once but twice – in my dream I woke and wrote it down, and then re-awoke realising that I’d not actually wrote it down.. maybe it was to remind me to remember – somethings need to be said multiple times to make you realise.

When we grow up
we are all just still kids
but then in adult suits looking around

We are all multiple – not just one
He is a father, and yet a child
She is a mother, and a nurse
We are all someone, and something else

Maybe it means something, it brought a kind of peace over me and althou looking at it now seems confusing – I know that it made perfect sense.

Connected yet disconnected from the world

Posted on by JC

Over the past few weeks I have had a lot of great joy and sadness aswell. A high without any drug – Just being around others and doing things with people.

I will try and go over the past few weeks over the next few but today I am just looking back and watching while I was completly disconnected from the online world – I felt more connected with people and friends than any online time.

I spend a LOT of time online, through work and internet. I’ve used the “internet” for a long time – I started back at college with it when it was “new” around 1996 where I tried making (really bad) websites on geocities and when hotmail wasn’t owned by microsoft. Using programs like telnet for access with a lynx browser or chat rooms that still exist today.

ie. The Gathering : Telnet gathering.org.uk 5000 – Many times of chat that are just not really used any more.

I used to think the internet was a place to chat – to get some information you wanted about pretty much anything you wanted but to chat and communicate with others – to get to know people.

It can be used, but i’m not sure if its a good thing – all this access to “information” and the communication of everything. I can say i’ve got in contact with some old friends that I talk and meet with reguarly and am thankful for that.

My point – Connections. While I was with other I was more connected, althou sometimes feeling totally alone. Online allows a virtual connection but its not real.

People meeting up, its all online – even while I was away I saw people connecting online while there was loads to do without the internet connection. I was glad to get away.

I think if I can find somewhere that isn’t online, but that I can be with people then I will be happier. The blog would be quiet too but would still be written on paper.

Helpful Days of Chatful Joy

Posted on by JC

Today has been a good day for me. I’m getting back my ability to write again as there has been no updates for well over a month or so and yet so much has happened. Today I will just speak of today but I have so much more to say now.

I got lost trying to find a friends hometown some 30 minutes from my own. Found the friend late and had coffee and chat – heard a little of their life of the past few months and shared a little of mine.

Today was a time to share and learn about friends experiences over the past few months. I met with 2 friends and had an interesting conversation with another on the phone never mind the multiple chats online aswell telling me of engagements and changes in life for them – its quite exciting the future for so many I am close too.

Tyre Changing

After seeing one friend and chatting I wandered for a while before heading over to my hometown. I was meeting another friend for Coffee – I had a hot chocoalte later on but that wasn’t until after shopping with her – and her asking lots of questions about clothing and shoes I didn’t really have answers for – most things looked the same to me.

Before meeting up, I had some time to use up so headed towards the library in stockton after parking up and as I was walking I noticed an old guy attempting to change a flat tyre – he looked troubled – I walked past and stopped, thought and returned. I asked if I could help in any way – I didn’t really know how I could but just wondered if I could.

I helped the guy change his tyre – he seemed very grateful for the help as couldn’t get things working – we changed it together and chatted a little. Took around 20 minutes to do it and I just said to him at the end “Glad I could help” with a smile, and went on my way – only to go to the library to clean my hands from the oil of the wheel.

As I was finishing I Noticed he had disabled sticker in his car too, and may have had more difficulty. It was odd to see so many people (including police) just walk by and not offer any help.

We seem to live in this world where we expect everything to be done for you but not to actually step out and help or to be paid for something – I guess I was paid in joy of helping cos it felt good to do so.

So, so far I’m having an amazing day… but before I went back to help I asked God “should I?” and then went for it. Its not something i’d often do but maybe we should take more time out and look at what is happening in life around us and see what 20 mins time out to help can do for another… I now wonder what else we as a people or a church can do so simply.

I like the way my life is evolving, and the understanding of simple tasks can make such a difference. I look forward to the time where I will have another like you have, but am quite excited on what I can now do on my own.