Sometimes the logistics of life make total sense and other times make none. Who are we to tell when they should or should not, except those that think we are in control of it all. When everything makes sense, it is only to one person or maybe a few but never everyone. We are all built differently and think differently – we may have the same basis of existance yet do things totally oposite to one another.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the past, present and future. When I was at school, I never considered myself as intelligent – I was one of those that got by, I was generally in the medium groups for everything and really struggled through school.

I was not popular, I was awful at sports but would give them a try. I was picked on and bullied for no reason I could see. I could do IT stuff well, as well as Chemisty, Physics and Techologies but not well enough that I was in top groups. I struggled with everything and before year 9 I didn’t see the point in doing anything about it.

I was tutored for just under 3 years in English – for a few hours every monday after school, I would go to someones house and they taught me grammer, writing styles, how to write (hand writing) as well as many other things and at the time I didn’t think it was helping but looking back it helped me greatly in life.

Back to today and now. I sometimes see some of those people from school times on different things including facebook and trying to catch up of sorts of where they have been and what they are up to in life and just wonder what happened to many of them.

Some have not changed at all, yes – they have got older but their attitudes and overall outlooks on life have not changed. They don’t seem to have grown, they are in the same circles of friends and in dead end jobs if in a job at all… and many of these were those that made me feel dim and not worth anything.

Over the last year, I’ve been realising I can do a lot more in life than I ever thought possible. I’ve got so much further education wise than I thought I could do. I’d grown up believing that I could do stuff in IT because thats all I was good at but I’ve also discovered that I can do things to help people in teaching, leading, advising, demonstrating. I can problem solve, cook, rock climb (of sorts) as well as many other things I’ve spoken of before.

I never thought I’d even make it through to college, nevermind university and now hopefully going back to do a degree in Law. We can all do so much in life, but its a lot to do with attitude. If we choose to believe we can not do something, no matter what others tell us we will get nowhere, but to believe in oneself and with others also believing in you too, you can do so much more in life… but we’ve got to take the chance to try. Yes, it could all go wrong and we may fail, but then again, it could go awesome and right but to take the chance, and the journey.

As I said before, I made it to university – I came out with a HNC in IT stuff, yet life wise I came out with a lot more. I had learned how to relate to people in all different circumstances, how to work with a variety of people – even those I did not want too. I learned how to cook on a budget, dynamics of friendships – the good and bad sides. I learned my limits of alchol – and when I really should stop drinking if I don’t want to be ill or get to the drunken stage. My mind was not truelly ready for learning properly when I was there. Although I learned a lot, it was more what I learned around the lectures and tutorials that mattered most.

It allowed me to see so much more of everything around me, I had seen things for years but they were always in the background – they had no relevance, or at least I thought they didn’t until I was shown a purpose for things. Just little things, like the movement of the clouds or pressure in the air change… detections I’d seen and felt but never equated to actual events.

I see a lot more in life now than I ever thought possible and I’m glad that I didn’t see it all before, although a little earlier in life would have been nice… but to see what I’ve discovered so far makes me excited for the future as I could not imagine it this much I wonder… What will be next.