I see and then they are gone, people standing, watching, looking around – there is something they are seeing, checking out.
I see them walk by, and know they are watching me. Others do not seem to notice & when I look back they are no longer there, they seem to have vanished – never there in the first place.
Was I mistaken or was it only partly there. Headaches followed by peace & confusion, lights passing – Life as normal.
New start, New Life, New Beginning
I can do so much more, if I choose too. I feel there is so much more ability that i’ve had in life and I’ve not seen it but looking back I can.
Today has been good, a sleep in past 7am (recently been up 6:30am) so a relaxed start, delicious breakfast & felt ready for the morning, lunch was good & I rested for a bit. One of our sessions were cancelled so we got an hour to chill out.
I’ve been learning about trust – something I have struggled with since a past relationship. I’ve not known how to trust God or other people.
I’ve seen how I’ve already been trusting God without realising it. For example: Coming to spring harvest, from the north east, without anyone else, knowing no-one and trusting people will be friends and everything will work out. It has, and i’m making lots of new friends.
I think the term “Trust in God” is a strange term.. saying “Believing that God will provide for your situation” is more accurate or at least means something to me.
This evening was a challenge – to be interviewed, asked questions in front of 180+ people over microphone – I was nervious with a kinda confidance too.
Whenever I have attempted to speak over a microphone I tend to speak but no sound appears – annoying when you want to speak and kinda embarrasing too.
I managed to talk easily, openly and confidently althou scared to do it. I felt such a buzz & energy on completing.
Maybe its a part of my future – maybe a dream/vision will come true. Part my part looking back I can see that i’m getting somewhere.
I will be able to speak in front of people, teach, present, talk to youth at events & stuff – it could happen, I think I could do well at it and help in some way.
I’m liking this attitude: Try, See and acheive – I’m not looking forward to work again but and looking forward to the future and not entirely knowing actually feels good for a change.
Clear Night, stars above – full moon shining down. A peace covering the area with cool breezes. Ducks swimming in the moonlight and running round the grassy edges.
This is a new experience to me, stewarding at Spring harvest. There seems or sounds to be a lot more happening in general than the normal harvest i’m used too.
So far, a lot of stewards seem shy and also have come with other people. I came alone, but having no problems talking with others – it is a lot easier than I recall doing before.
Its the first night and its not tents but chalets with beds and heating – very nice but people don’t seem up for socialising – they all went to bed – most before 11pm… Too early for the first or any night really.
Most teams i’ve been on previously have hung out on the first night, a time to get to know one another before working together.
I can recall times where I went to bed early but not on the first night with a new team. Maybe it will change over time – I think it will be tiring but a good time.
Bed just after midnight – a little tired, headache starting, good idea to sleep.
Over the time I was at spring harvest (SH) I learned a lot. Questions I had wanted asking in life that I’d kind of accepted as never going to be answered so had stopped asking got answered and things started to make sense.
Over the next week, i’ll put up some of my diary entries I wrote while I was there and then some more about what I think I learned.
Overall it was a good time, and made lots of new friends. I’d recommend to people to try spring harvest, and to try stewarding – there is so much that happens in the background that no-one really realises – I know I didn’t last time I went as a delegate.
This is what I thought while alone. I’ve felt alone for a long time although I have so many friends to support me i’ve not had another person to share with for a long time.
Over the past week I’ve been at spring harvest over the easter break time and picked up a few things that made sense.. One was about being only part of a person.
I need to be a full person before looking for “the other half” – we should both be full and able to exist easily without one-another: I’m not saying I want to be alone, just that I want us both to always be happy. Missing people is expected – I don’t want to be in the situation where I feel I can not go on by being alone or without someone.
A little story someone told was about a chair… Strange as it sounds it made sense.
You get a chair, and chop it in half. Half is you and half is a partner. Your love, passion etc are the sticky tape between you and add a bit of pressure and you’ll get through it – add a lot and you both break apart.
Then imagine a full chair – you are both full people – ready in life for anything – you come together and work closely together – one on the other making a very strong surface. I’m sure there will be things that get in the way and do put pressure on you but you are much stronger as you are full people.
So before I start looking for another, I am seeing how to be full again – its been a while but I see it now as a posability again.
This coming week is the easter weekend.. A few days off work and a celebration of a death to life transformation.
I am unlikely to be updating these pages for the next week as will be away to Spring Harvest to help with stewarding and don’t think i’ll have an internet connection.
IF I get a connection, then I’ll try and update the site with what is happening and what i’m up too.
I think its going to be a fun time, but a lot of hard work and energy used up. I’m really looking forward to it and hoping I have packed everything I need.
I got it.. I found out a few days ago that I can actually do the stewarding after all the references, CRB checks and appliactions that I can go for the week I wanted to help out.
It will be different to other events i’ve helped with – a lot bigger, it will be nice to see how its done there.
I think it will be quite enjoyable. I’ve been to spring harvest once before – it was with the CU years ago. I remember going into the place and thinking “WOW” to the size of it and soon after wanting to help and see what happens in the background and how it all works together.
Its taken about 5 years to get around to the application and after around 7 months of waiting for things to process I got the email confirmation to say I’ve got through and clicked the confirm attendance link.
Something different to look forward to and only a few weeks to go.
Some of you know that I like to help at Harvest – a Christian Youth camp once a year in north east england. Help with the stewarding teams however I can and have done since around August 1999.
Now i’m going to try for spring harvest that happens in different locations around the UK. Its over the easter break time so minimum time off work.
I am currently awaiting the application to be confirmed. I’m just awaiting on references now. Passed the other 8 parts of application including yet another CRB check. Now i’ve had 3 of these over the past few years – why they need new ones every time i’m not sure.
It should be very different as it won’t be just young people but a mixture of young people, kids, and adults as its not particularly age specific.
It will be a new challenge, another one for this year. I hope I get on the team and look forward to the event.
Link: Spring Harvest Website