A change of direction?

What is it that makes us live life, and what is living? Is it doing a job, dreaming of another existance, following your dream, finding a passion?

I am trying to work out what my dream for life is… I don’t know at the moment. I know I’m currently not doing what I really want to be doing. I am in a comfortable place – easy to allow life to keep going and me go nowhere.. But to exist.. thats all i’m doing – allowing life to pass me by while still working, living and being here.

What makes me really happy – Friendships make me happy, I love making friends happy by talking and being with them and supporting them but feel there is so much more out there.

I’ve always done IT stuff, its what I have the ability to do but is it what I want to be doing? not sure on that point anymore. I like the web development I do, making things appear from an idea into a world that many can see but would rather be out in the world helping in some way than say behind a screen typing away.

I’ve taken a few days out of the work world to sit, read, talk, and try to discover a little more about what makes me happy.

Why did that happen?

I’ve cut some of this post from some email someone sent me just at a time when I was thinking – Why did that do that? I didn’t tell it to do that.. why is it happening…

Every event in our world has a seed. If life appears chaotic, random and disordered, it’s only because we cannot perceive the process of cause and effect at work. In other words, we see the tree, but not the seed.

This lack of perspective leads people to live under the illusion that things happen suddenly. They don’t. They can’t. Nothing occurs suddenly. An oak tree never just appears on our front lawn. A seed is always planted first.

If there is something in your life right now that you want to get rid of, you must first accept the principle that you, yes, you, planted the seed somewhere in your past. No matter how random the event appears to be there are no accidents in life. There is only order; cause and effect; action and reaction. I’m not talking about how the matrix film does but basically its the same

Can you imagine if you plant a positive seed by becoming accountable and taking responsibility for one thoughtless, selfish action you committed in the past. Can you imagine the difference life could be? I mean, really?

If I could think what it was that I did in the past that got me into this in the first place that would help but nevermind – i’m sure it’ll come to mind at some point.

How long have you been on facebook?

I joined around late 2006 after a friend kept asking me to join but didn’t do anything about it more than having about 10 friends where we could share photos of events we helped out at and see what each other was up too.

When did it become popular? I’m not sure, I know mid 2007 some of my closest friends joined up and then found me on there. I thought it was just a good place of sharing pics, but it has grown a lot since then with the massive amount of games, application, and ways to prod and poke people.

I’ve found it a very useful thing of finding lost friends with nothing more than knowing who was friends of friends.. I think i’ve a list of over 200 on the friends list now, a lot more that the 6 months or so of only 10 people. Only now am I finding those from school that some are just joining some multy many months later than I have.

Its good, I like it but do have some concerns about it such as how you have to be careful exactly what you post on peoples profiles and share with the world… How much of it would you want your employer or even parents to see? And since its online, most of it will appear somehow in internet archives so anything down is down for ever.

How easy is it to take something back when you’ve posted that message on 200+ peoples profiles with one click with no option to retract… maybe its just paranoia but its something to think about.. What do you think?

Life from school times

Over the past few weeks I’ve been finding people I knew from school times. A lot has changed since then but then was 1995 so its not really such a suprise things have changed and actually I’m thankful they have.

At school I was always a very shy person, not wanting to really be noticed – just left to get on with things but had a small group of friends I got on with and still now after 13 years or so still get on and meet up regularly with.

I never even imagined at school that i’d go to university, college yes – that was what was expected but to get into uni and do a course I wanted too that I didn’t even consider an option when leaving school – How life changed and I’m so thank ful that is has.

Confidence has grown, friendships have been great. Education has helped and provided me a job I can enjoy with people I get on with.

I’ve connected over the last few weeks with lost friends, some from the tutor groups, some from friends of past and some I’ve met but never really knew more than what was said in passing.

Its been really good so far to see how people have changed – through their writings, their photos, their interests and contact. Thanks to all that have done that – some of you may be reading this now. 🙂

I’m really thankful to all who contact, to learn from our past can help us feel where we are – to see how far we’ve come or gone off the path that we felt we were on.

The Camera [Fuji F100FD]

I’ve wanted a camera for a long time. One that was not part of a phone, one that I could easily take pictures with in whatever light I’m in and it work out whats best and just take the picture. I think i’ve found one now, it cost me around £150 but seems to do what I want it to do.

so far out of the pictures I’ve taken only about 3 have not came out and thats mainly been because I clicked the button at the wrong place and took nice pictures of the grass. I’ve taken around 60 so far so not too bad going.

The camera is a Fuji F100FD or something like that – its a 12MP camera – why I need an image that big I’m not really sure, but could capture something far away I guess. I’m not totally sure. I got the silver version – you could get black but I liked the shiney one more.


Fuji F100FD

A 512MB Card is not really enough to hold many pictures or video on it – it got around 70 pictures on the card but I did also have other files on there too so could have had more if i’d wiped the card first. I’ve ordered 3x 4GB cards and a few spare batteries for it. You can always guarantee you’ll run out of either space or power when it comes to camera so i try to be prepared.Pictures… Well I should get round to adding a picture gallery or something to here then I could show you.

I’ve enjoyed seeing lots of pictures of peoples lives of growing up and changes they are going through, I see quite a few groups of friends update pictures almost on a weekly basis and I think… Where are mine – I don’t really have any pictures of me doing anything.. I always thought there was pictures, but I seem to always be outside the focus…

Now, that can change, I can start to record a little of what life looks like and how it changes over time so I can see the changes and enjoy them in the future too.

Just 10 – Old Truths Changing Lives

Just 10 is a set of ten weeks about the 10 commandments in reverse order. Its running in gateshead on Tuesday nights and stockton at preston park on a wednesday night. I’ve been to the first 5 as an attendee and the second set I’m helping with the stewarding on the doors.

Website link: http://www.just10northeast.org.uk [opens new window]

Going to the event was good, the general running is:

  • 18:30 People start coming in
  • 19:30 Event starts
    • Sing time [worship]
    • Intro and an interview
    • Bit more singing
    • Talk
    • End with singing
  • 21:30 Event ends – People go home

Whole thing is around 2 hours long in reality and is informative and a nice look on things in a different way to how I’ve looked at them before.

Stewarding has been enjoyable too, I’ve made a lot of new friends in it from just mixing with people, talking and helping out. We’ve had mixed weather from boiling gorgeous sun to drenching pour down rain but still lots of people coming. Around 5,000 each week we’ve been told.

I’d like to see more people there but people don’t seem to come – I invite them but never seem to see them. I hope you come – Preston Park, Stockton, 19:30 start wednesdays Only on til 25th June now.

Video Intro about it all


Can we make a change to home?

I sit in comfort while many don’t even have a bed to lay on. I know I seem to have my own issues with debts that seem to overcome me but I still have a home, clothes to keep me warm, a car to get me places and a job to help keep it all together.

What can I do? I see places where I can donate money – but that can help up to a point where I can’t afford too and will run into more debts… I want to know what I can do – an action, to help people rather than just sit behind a cash amount and call it doing something.

Its something i’ve considered a few times, but never done anything about it. I’ve always done the charity contributions and felt that was making a difference but I want to help with a cause and not just be financial contributer which I find difficult to keep up.

Will anything happen, I honestly don’t know… Guess we’ll see in time… I mean where do I start…

Wherever I look online it seems to refer me elsewhere or give me documentation that is years out of date or is not for anywhere close. I’d like to start at home town and work from there – I’m more likely to stay committed if its close by and can see some of the results of actions taken.

Not knowing what those actions could be or how things are done. I read of annual christmas things where people are helped but I’ve never been involved… Do I need qualifications to help? I don’t know really – Where do I start? Who do I work with? General group, a church maybe? I honestly do not know but its certainly something to look into.

Danced It

So I tried it, and I’m loving it – Not sure if i’m really doing any good but its a lot of fun. I try to do Ball Room dancing of sorts which is very interesting, extreamly confusing and I’m only in the Absolute beginners class…

I went alone, arrived first week to realise everyone else was in couples – always something to worry about, I did ask if it was a couples only thing or not and was told it would be fine on my own… That was interesting if a little off putting however it was kewl as I got put with the female dance teacher who has helped me a lot over the several weeks I’ve been there.

The course is over 10 weeks in total, or 13 if you include all the breaks with bank holidays in place. There is a variety of dances we’ve been learning and the names all confuse me… I need to watch for a minute to see which one were doing before going for it… once doing it I think i’m doing ok – its a lot more energetic than I envisioned it but so much fun.

Something I considered doing for years but never really went for as wondered what people may think, now its another angle of life something totally different to anything else I’ve done and finding something new like that is just excellent.

I now think to myself and tell others that if there is something you want to try you should go for it, try it out – people may comment but does it really matter – if your happy and find something that gives you joy – why shouldn’t you do it… As long as your not harming others, you should go for it in my opinion.