Diary – The blog area

2010 – Migranes gone, so much opertunity to look forward

Posted on by JC

It is coming to another end of year but I can choose to look at time and see it in sections like years and months, but all I really see is days and even then its not really a set thing. Some days go fast, others so slow but time is there or maybe not at the same time. I hear its a constant but my view of it is constantly changing… can that be a true statement?

I have a few things I would like to do this next year, and many things that I’ve done this past year. Some of the things I want to acheive:

  • Play the guitar
  • Trampolining: Sumasaults with no help
  • Rock Climbing – more technique
  • A new passion in work, or something in life that I don’t want to put down
  • New cooking styles (at least for me, other peoples old styles are great – I just can’t do them)
  • Dance: become more fluid, confident, and relaxed in dance and expand the styles
  • Fitness: Get down to my ideal weight yet increase my fitness level through fun

My past year has been quite a mixed year, I’ve not done all I wanted but have discovered things that have quite litterally changed my life. I’ve struggled with migrane and cluster headaches for many years, and in october discovered the cause of them.

I’ve been ill a lot over the past year (mainly March to November), and much of it was side effects of the medications I was taking to reduce the headaches/migranes – in September while away on holiday, I was ill and not really enjoying the break. So ill that I couldn’t take the tablets as was sick soon after – kinda defeating the point so I stopped taking them and within a couple of days the side effects died down and I enjoyed the last day of my break.

I went through withdrawal from the medication – you are meant to stop taking it over a period of around 6 to 12 weeks, not over night. I also stopped taking anything that I heard could cause headaches such as cheese, caffeine, chocolate & alchol and the next week or two was just evil. So many headaches, feeling nausia, illness and my mood was not so great either (I found out a few weeks later after talking with people at work). I thought I was going through withdrawal for meds, I may aswell go it for everything at once. Not a nice experience but glad its over.

I re-introduced things into my diet but seems caffeine and chocolate are the real killers. I can have a little caffeine like a drink of cola or a cup of caffeinated tea every so often but often get a headache or hanging feeling in my head thats unconfortable for a few days but after about a day… however eat some delicious chocolate and within about 4 hours my eyes are hurting, everything is really loud, nausia and headaches which really sucks because I love the taste of chcolate, especially dairy milk chocolate.

The trade of pain and not being able to do anything for the taste of chocolate. Its amazing to see how many things contain it but the thought to go down to pain for a taste – its just not worth it.

It is the biggest thing I’ve found out this year personally – and since cutting out caffeine and chocolate I’ve been able to do a lot more too. Including regular swimming before work, trampolining and even started the very basics of rock climbing. My co-ordination has amazingingly got quite good and although haven’t danced in a long time feel its something I will get much better at now.

Now that I’m generally off medications, I feel an old side of me has risen to the surface – things I’ve struggled with for years just melting away and returning to a more confident and happy me. While at university, in groups and presentations I was always nervous to talk but one to one, or in small groups I could talk to anyone and I lost that for a long time but its coming back but not just like that – I’m now able to talk in presentations – I still get nervous but have felt while presenting that its a choice to show it or not. I’d never known the choice before – just that I was and felt others could see it. No need now, and knowing that seems to open more posibilities in life even though I don’t know what those could be.

The Loss of Cafeen

Posted on by JC

The loss of cafeen from my diet hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I am missing some things but not others so much. At work, people bring in a lot of chocolate based things and biscuits of which I would quite happily eat through – now not so much… If its got chocolate, I leave it alone and at first it was really hard…

The evil temptation around all the time and then it was just there, another object that was to be seen and not to be eaten. Strange to see others eating it in that aspect but it no longer bothered me. The thought between taking a bite and that brief pleasure followed by the posibility of hours of pain – its just really not worth it.

As shopping, looking for alternatives I came across a shop of different Teas – many cafinnated but also many that were not – some green, many different berry versions – I go for the ones that are loose leaf and not teabags – its strange, after having loose leaf for a while – you can taste the teabags and they don’t help the tastyness.

Cadbury Store

Torture for the Cafeen Free, Heaven to the chocolate Lover

I came across a shop that usually I would have loved, but was just not right to find when cafeen and chocolate are not allowed. A cruilty to see and everything was on sale. Nightmare for me, heaven for previous me.

I had read that green teas were good for you, and previously never really liked them. Found them too bland but really like Jasmin Tea. I found it one time when in London. It was a cold evening and I was wandering around the city and was in China Town… I went in and got a Jasmin and honey Tea to go – it was really nice and went to get some jasmin tea. Took me a while to find – I could get tea bags but it didn’t taste right until I got the loose leaf… and a dollup of honey. Now I have it without honey in general but delicious both ways.

I am aware that not all green teas are cafeen free, but they are much lower than normal teas so I can enjoy them. It doesn’t seem that I need to be cafeen free to be pain free but take it in moderation. Just like salt and many other ingredients in foods, taken in moderation things just work.

Harvest – The End…

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The harvest committee has requested suggestions of which I have many. Not sure if they’ll take note of them but think that many could help with an added income to help keep the costs down for the youth that attend.

The stewarding teams are a new generation, seperate from what I would call team – the new members that had not been on a team before were very helpful most of the time, it seemed many of those that had done it before seemed to like the perceived power, and tried to use it as much as possable…

Stewarding in general at harvest is about helping keep people safe, ensuring people have a pass to actually get in, making sure exits are safe and clear incase of an incident, help clear a venue if required and helping ensure the place is clean & tidy. The general rules and regulations – there is more to it but its not a “I have the power to kick you off site attitude” as in reality – they do not.

I’ve had my moan about it, watching from the side of the non steward. I can see a lot of changes. Many kids were showing me bands (passes) and i wasn’t wearing a high vis jacket which was funny… and nice to know I’m recognised in some way.

I’ve made some new friends that are completly seperate from stewarding teams and some really awesome talks. Most of today consisted of meetings and talking it was quite awesome really. I’ve spoken for years that I’d like to get involved helping people and chatting but unable to stop as had to get on with a task. Now I’ve had time to do so and really learn more about my attitudes, thoughts and actions and what else I can do. My mind feels opened up.

This is my last full harvest that I’d be on a team and feel its now as an event should be run by the new generations. Maybe things will work out, maybe fall on its face but they need the chance to get further and learn from their mistakes as we did on different occasions over the years.

I will support it still, it helped me for many years. I started in 1994, then 1996 to 1998 as an attendee then moved to stewarding until last year (2009) and ministry team this year. I would like to try raise money for it as it is a recognised charity and as I’ve said above helped myself plus friends over a rough time of growing up.

I look at my Christian life time. Came Christian in 1989 (Journey in Belief), attended church (sunday school, youth church) regularly, went to church weekends away, started harvest 1994, went to uni was part of CU, and CU Committee, got baptised around 2001, got involved with events around country 2000 til now from Message 2000 to Harvest & IXth Hour, and Just 10. So out of the 21+ years of being a Christian, only 5 or 6 of them was without harvest in them so its still quite an impact in my life.

Harvest – Launch Day

Posted on by JC

I have been asked by a few people where is my yellow jacket as not on stewarding team this year. It is very different, I know of the many jobs involved that are happening but can not do anything about them. I offer advice, which is sometimes accepted, usually ignored.

Main start was at 3pm, a nice warm up, nice to see so many, but is odd not being directily involved, glad I’m not on team at the same time of missing them.

The polotics of stewarding, organising and all… its a lot more complicated that it used to be. There is no real need for the extra things but thats not the point it seems. I saw stewarding as Health and Safety & checking the people who’ve paid or not paid with a mixture of crowd control aswell. Maybe its changed, maybe I just see it with different eyes.

Ministry: I’m at harvest as part of the ministry team this year. I find it difficult to pray with people – the words don’t often come before I say them and I prefer to be organised. I wanted prayer myself, but didn’t know the words. My team member asked to pray for me, and somehow knew for what I was needing without me giving any words.

I became aware that everyone young and old and even those in between, were all the same. It didn’t matter anything – we are of limited time in this universe.

My usual team leader is a leader again this year. She seems good at organising, when she is told whats happening or who is off site. Would help if others would do as asked, some do… others seem to forget what they were asked or thats the way it looks.

Harvest – The beginning

Posted on by JC

It felt very strange tonight to start with, first with the setup – I just got on with it, no rush to meetings. One of us was requested to go to meet team, I stayed back, pegged up & Blew up air beds.

I went to loaves and fishes, where to sit? All stewards in a meeting – I felt very out of place. Sat with YFC team, I’ve worked with them on a few things, felt very strange. Team meeting ended and I went over and mixed.

Nice night over all, some new friends – several old but can already feel that this will be a last as this part of life is over. I do feel as thou I am re-living a dream and enjoying the nostalgia. A safe place, but its now time to act – step out of the easy safe surroundings and go out and find life.

Not sure I’ll get online, so far no signal 🙁 Maybe thats a good thing.

SHH (LPO) – And now…. Relaxed

Posted on by JC

It is the final full day of the holiday and I actually feel quite relaxed and that I am on holiday finally. I am feeling more like me again, and I’m not sure why… Yesterday I felt awful and unwell, I didn’t get anything done that I had planned to do and now find that yesterday was the last day I could have done so.

Examples are the supermarkets are closed on sundays as are all the shops, I didn’t even realise today was sunday until people told me when I went for the bus. So the things I had planned to get to take back are no longer an option and I hope I can get something on the travels back over the next few days.

I’ve had a good day so far, and its only just after lunch. A niggle of a headache but thats not going to stop me enjoying the day. I’ve sat out with friends around a table with drinks, and biscuits and listened as they play a guitar and sing really nicely… some songs I knew, others not so but still really enjoyed being there out in the glorious sun and enjoying the company.

A lot of this break I’ve been alone, be it wandering in town or around the site, or back at the mobile home writing, reading or listening to things. I was very self concious a lot of the time. I felt the ill feelings coming across me early in the week and didn’t want to pull anyone into it aswell as seeing friends now couples and not wanting to get in the way. After chatting, I’ve discovered I wouldn’t have been in the way but thats how I felt and disliked it so did something else.

My plan now is have some more lunch, and go down to the pool for the afternoon. There is a baptism in the pool this afternoon so will not be in it all afternoon, but a good day out in the pool is the plan and I’m really looking forward to it.

In the pool was a good afternoon time spent. Was in there from about 3pm til 6.45pm – well either there or lazing in the sun of which was nice and warm and welcoming. Drenching each other in the pool. It was fun… at one point around 4ish one person got baptised – I wasn’t expecting it but apparently it was planned. I hadn’t looked at any of todays plans so was none the wiser – just lots of people suddenly arriving at the pool side.

Its been a good day. I’ve felt better today than I have all week and althou its heading back time on Monday (tommorrow) I now feel I’ve had a holiday something I didn’t think I was going to feel yesterday.

So until I update on the travels back, I leave this laptop and internet and enjoy the break. I’ll get to emails and messages probably wednesday where I know I’ve a lot to get through – I’ve enjoyed my break, and will come back sometime but this year has been very different and its been good to see so many friends again but for now, auré-vour and speak soon.

SHH (LPO) – Well… Kinda

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I’ve not been well over the past few days, but managed most of Friday OK until around 11pm. I was glad – I got to try the pool olympics games which I enjoyed however our team came last in.

A mixture of games, mainly races of some sort in the pool that seemed against us whatever. An example is the pool being wider for our team yet same distance for the other two teams. Overall – A fun time all the same.

I managed to visit the town centre too on Friday – it seemed very small to what I remembered. I was done wandering in about 20 minutes after shopping and seeing everything I wanted. Maybe it just seems small after visiting London. I’d like to visit the beach if I’m feeling better and the weather is good still the rest of the weekend.

I was asked if I was going to the morning “meeting” as its a good way to start the day… Not sure about that but was awake for a change. Actually saw the change from darkness to light this morning – shame it wasn’t by choice. Feeling exhausted I’ll probably sleep and hopefully be okay later.

SHH (LPO) – Adventure Playground

Posted on by JC

I didn’t know what to expect for wednesday, I signed up for the adventure afternoon which actually involved a variety of safety equipment and a lot of ropes/wires up in the air. There was several different levels you could try, starting with a starter session to get used to it, to much higher and longer routes.

We started small, and worked up – we missed out on one level as the queue of people in front of us and we didn’t want to wait. I think the levels were: yellow, green, white, orange, red, gray, black, then black extreme. I was quite comfortable with the levels up to orange and enjoyed orange.

Red was quite terrifying for me, while up there I was wishing I hadn’t started that route. There was a mixture of ropes bridges, zip wires up and down hill, and quite long between. I felt I had a panic attack of sorts, frozen hugging a tree up high but I got through it – people were quite supportive – maybe to help.. maybe so they could try next, either way I was glad for the company.

I’m a little covered in bruises, and scratches and quite tired but overall I was quite pleased I got through it but don’t think I’d be in any hurry to try the red or above levels. Although fun, it was quite terrifying too – I’ve got through and initial scare and thank fully its over for now. I want to try the games again thou so maybe next time.

SHH (LPO) – Wild, Wet Fun…

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I woke up late, after midday – I felt cold last night, I don’t seem to rest well when I’m cold. I met for afternoon games which involved water games: water volley ball which envolved water balloons thrown and caught or drenching people.

A lot of fun. Thankfully, the sun was about – very quick to dry until a plastic box full of water got thrown over me and other boxes over others. That took a long time to dry as the weather changed and sun went hiding.

I went to the pool later in the day… I went just to say “hi” but ended up in the pool chatting and well, Supprisingly the water was warm, not hot but comfy. It was apparently 29’C – I dont think it was. The wind was cool, we stayed in the pool until the sun came out – we were waiting a while.

In the evening, the weather changed nasty – heavy rain, followed by lots of heavy rain that was louder than people talking, and music playing – streams appearing outside, and waterfalls off the roof. I was glad I was inside, and very glad I got a rain coat, packed it and brought it with me.

Some wierd games, with silly prizes but it looked entertaining. Night finished around 1.30am when we were encouraged to leave the bar. It was meant to close around 1am, just no one really moved, and drinks were even served after 1am so that was never going to happen. I’ve had a good day all in all, could have done with going to the shops and apparently missed a party while I relaxed. Sorry I missed it, but happy for what i’ve done too.

Time for bed now, I’ve had some valerian Tea to help me sleep (as I slept in so long). Its not worked yet. But probably will soon.

SHH (LPO) The Travelling Beginning

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SHH (LPO) The Travelling Beginning

My journey beggins at around 8.00am to go to Nottingham, we made good time and were there quite early. The bus hadn’t arrived, but was in a different place to it was last time, it was actually where it was meant to be so got on for the long trip to Portsmouth ferry port. After some interesting driving from the bus driver. He made some good turns with the huge coach around some quite tight corners.

On the boat we went and watched Shrek 4 – I’ve seen it in 3D – this wasn’t in 3D however it was really funny, and had the added dimension of movement with the boat movement.

There has been a lot of laughter and talking going on so far.

We arrived at LPO in France around 6.30pm, we were meant to be there around 5pm however a pickup of people at train station and airports were running late and the bus waited for them so arrived late on.

It was a good night of introductions and a kind of trusting right away, an instant friendship and laughs. Nice mixture of foods and wine on the welcome buffet, followed by introductions to the site team and the night continued.

I watched as I saw people mingle, and joined in but felt some with more charism, working the groups. It was easy to see, and although they projected joy within the group, it felt they were controlling the group and people yet hiding something deep within. I couldn’t read any more, and somehow that inticed wanting to know more, I still don’t know what to think but have chosen to think – if they want me to know they will say and leave it at that.