Author: JC

2010 – Migranes gone, so much opertunity to look forward

Posted on by JC

It is coming to another end of year but I can choose to look at time and see it in sections like years and months, but all I really see is days and even then its not really a set thing. Some days go fast, others so slow but time is there or maybe not at the same time. I hear its a constant but my view of it is constantly changing… can that be a true statement?

I have a few things I would like to do this next year, and many things that I’ve done this past year. Some of the things I want to acheive:

  • Play the guitar
  • Trampolining: Sumasaults with no help
  • Rock Climbing – more technique
  • A new passion in work, or something in life that I don’t want to put down
  • New cooking styles (at least for me, other peoples old styles are great – I just can’t do them)
  • Dance: become more fluid, confident, and relaxed in dance and expand the styles
  • Fitness: Get down to my ideal weight yet increase my fitness level through fun

My past year has been quite a mixed year, I’ve not done all I wanted but have discovered things that have quite litterally changed my life. I’ve struggled with migrane and cluster headaches for many years, and in october discovered the cause of them.

I’ve been ill a lot over the past year (mainly March to November), and much of it was side effects of the medications I was taking to reduce the headaches/migranes – in September while away on holiday, I was ill and not really enjoying the break. So ill that I couldn’t take the tablets as was sick soon after – kinda defeating the point so I stopped taking them and within a couple of days the side effects died down and I enjoyed the last day of my break.

I went through withdrawal from the medication – you are meant to stop taking it over a period of around 6 to 12 weeks, not over night. I also stopped taking anything that I heard could cause headaches such as cheese, caffeine, chocolate & alchol and the next week or two was just evil. So many headaches, feeling nausia, illness and my mood was not so great either (I found out a few weeks later after talking with people at work). I thought I was going through withdrawal for meds, I may aswell go it for everything at once. Not a nice experience but glad its over.

I re-introduced things into my diet but seems caffeine and chocolate are the real killers. I can have a little caffeine like a drink of cola or a cup of caffeinated tea every so often but often get a headache or hanging feeling in my head thats unconfortable for a few days but after about a day… however eat some delicious chocolate and within about 4 hours my eyes are hurting, everything is really loud, nausia and headaches which really sucks because I love the taste of chcolate, especially dairy milk chocolate.

The trade of pain and not being able to do anything for the taste of chocolate. Its amazing to see how many things contain it but the thought to go down to pain for a taste – its just not worth it.

It is the biggest thing I’ve found out this year personally – and since cutting out caffeine and chocolate I’ve been able to do a lot more too. Including regular swimming before work, trampolining and even started the very basics of rock climbing. My co-ordination has amazingingly got quite good and although haven’t danced in a long time feel its something I will get much better at now.

Now that I’m generally off medications, I feel an old side of me has risen to the surface – things I’ve struggled with for years just melting away and returning to a more confident and happy me. While at university, in groups and presentations I was always nervous to talk but one to one, or in small groups I could talk to anyone and I lost that for a long time but its coming back but not just like that – I’m now able to talk in presentations – I still get nervous but have felt while presenting that its a choice to show it or not. I’d never known the choice before – just that I was and felt others could see it. No need now, and knowing that seems to open more posibilities in life even though I don’t know what those could be.

Is £9,000 (Well closer to £50,000) too much for a University Education?

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I watched online via various methods the student protests, watching twitter, facebook, the news sites and even parliment channel following the progress of what was being done for the cause of student fees.

There are a lot of sides being spoken but I’m not sure which was the stronger view in reality. Students, all stood together in protest but there.

I don’t agree with the violence but think it is right that people can voice their opinions. There have been hundreds of thousands of people opposing the fee changes but they seem to have been ignored all the same.

I saw a lot of violence on TV within the protests. Many people causing riots and I think getting a publics view that the students are wrong and should be made to pay… but I see it a different way…

What better way to dis-credit a movement than to join in, then cause violence and disturbance gaining great publicity. People don’t look at the thousands of protesters peacefully doing what they do but the few that cause the havoc. I’ve heard the media speak that there are many in the few but even 0.5% of 50,000 is still around 250 People.

The government MPs are meant to speak on behalf of the people they represent. It has been shown in parliment on the 9th December 2010 that many of the Lib Dem MPs chose to ignore their people and follow others.

I guess everyone has a choice, and I think next election many will not trust the lib dems as they have prooven that they can not be trusted to follow some of the basic promises they made pre-election.

I am glad that I have already been through the student part of life, with university so this doesn’t directly affect me in life at the moment. Maybe in the future it will but at the moment, not so much.

It will affect a LOT of my friends, and a lot of friends children. I have many friends with teenage children that now that are unlikely to get to university now.

When I got out of university I had around £7,000 in student loan debts which is a lot especially with it so hard to get a job and all this is getting ever increasing interest. I recall it took me over a year to get any real time job.

I worked all over the place – over 40 different organisations through temp work in agencies. At first I could get nothing – they told me I was over qualified to work a temp job – my thoughts – I need money to pay for life and its a temp job. Its not a career move here. So I did allsorts from a production line job, to lots of admin work and data entry – all on a low wage.

But to think that I’d need to pay back somehow £9,000 per year? That would be impossible I think. I don’t think I’d have even gone. I don’t think I could afford to send anyone else there either. It works out over £170 per week, every week, and on top of that there is all the rates like rent, food, books, equipment, aswell as transport.

I don’t know about you, but 3 years for a standard university education with the posibility of a degree at the end for over £27,000 – Probably closer to £50,000 after adding in all living costs. How long would it take to pay that back, not including all the interest on top of it?

At around £160 per month it would take 25 years to pay it back (No interest charged) or over £400 a month for about 10 years. Its like having an extra mortgage to pay back for how you have learned things.

Seems expensive but what is the price for education. I always though education was meant to be free – everyone is free to learn. Seems the freedom doesn’t count for money.

Your views? Does it affect you? Does it affect people you know?

The Loss of Cafeen

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The loss of cafeen from my diet hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I am missing some things but not others so much. At work, people bring in a lot of chocolate based things and biscuits of which I would quite happily eat through – now not so much… If its got chocolate, I leave it alone and at first it was really hard…

The evil temptation around all the time and then it was just there, another object that was to be seen and not to be eaten. Strange to see others eating it in that aspect but it no longer bothered me. The thought between taking a bite and that brief pleasure followed by the posibility of hours of pain – its just really not worth it.

As shopping, looking for alternatives I came across a shop of different Teas – many cafinnated but also many that were not – some green, many different berry versions – I go for the ones that are loose leaf and not teabags – its strange, after having loose leaf for a while – you can taste the teabags and they don’t help the tastyness.

Cadbury Store

Torture for the Cafeen Free, Heaven to the chocolate Lover

I came across a shop that usually I would have loved, but was just not right to find when cafeen and chocolate are not allowed. A cruilty to see and everything was on sale. Nightmare for me, heaven for previous me.

I had read that green teas were good for you, and previously never really liked them. Found them too bland but really like Jasmin Tea. I found it one time when in London. It was a cold evening and I was wandering around the city and was in China Town… I went in and got a Jasmin and honey Tea to go – it was really nice and went to get some jasmin tea. Took me a while to find – I could get tea bags but it didn’t taste right until I got the loose leaf… and a dollup of honey. Now I have it without honey in general but delicious both ways.

I am aware that not all green teas are cafeen free, but they are much lower than normal teas so I can enjoy them. It doesn’t seem that I need to be cafeen free to be pain free but take it in moderation. Just like salt and many other ingredients in foods, taken in moderation things just work.

Euphoria – Friends or God?

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I can recall times of being lost within myself but totally happy at the same time. Times in worship at different things including church, harvest, spring harvest and IXth hour where everything just feels right and time – time is something that is there but doesn’t seem to pass – there is just a joy and happyness feeling completely safe and that you don’t want to end. A kind of euphoria that to be is honest and I do miss.

I watch on TV some of the things that happen on the God Channel, a channel I’m not that fond of on tv – I find that a lot of the time it makes what I believe in look silly and not serious. I find what I believe in shapes life – its not just a sunday or an event thing but something that really helps shape me, be it in how I speak, act and relate to people.

How I can encourage others, and look to their gifts in the world and see what they could do with their lives if they choose too. I think people are all amazing… some are annoying but were all made to like and not mix so well with others… but were all in this together… Someone for everyone.

When i was a child, I did not have many good friends – only around 5 in total and still today 20 years on I still have those good friends and now so many many more. Some that are so close and supportive and I feel really blessed for it and see so many posibilities for many of them.

I thought that no-one really liked me, I had difficulty speaking with people and just being myself, always trying to slightly be like others but keep my own flavour too. Always believed that I am who I am, I can try to be “like” others but thats never truelly going to be me.

Over time, I have grown thankfully… I have many friends in many diversities of life, mixing interest from allsorts from trampolining, and dancing to church or just to go out and play pool, swim or ten pin bowling. Some I can talk technical with and know that will inspire me and I them in issues that at first seem difficult and then exciting…. still difficult but knowing that others will support you in them.

I am blessed and thankful to them all. I see it as a very different euphoria with friends… I am really happy when I am with them, and talk, chat online with them. We work well together and well, enjoy it too – a true euphoric time here on this plain of existance.

VHS – Do you still use them?

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I have DVDs, Divx Movies, HD DVDs, and even some Blu-Ray DVDs and still although only occasionally I still watch VHS Video tapes. Sometimes its still the best format for films – adds an effect that can not really be duplicated on Digital really.

Like the ability to just eject and re-start where you left off no matter what video player you use. Get to the end, just fast forward and allow it to rewind and eject – strange, but a nice feature all the same.

I’ve got a load of VHS tapes and sometimes its just nice to watch them. Been watching stuff from the 80’s – horror of a sort movies I used to watch as a teen. I don’t watch horror movies now – I just don’t enjoy them – not the new ones. I think the last “horror” type I enjoyed was the Scream series and that was years back now.

Do others use VHS still… Nice to watch that then a DVD – you can notice a real difference in quality or at least sharpness and amount of colours.

Why was that the Trigger?

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I’ve discovered one of my triggers to my headaches is caffeen which totally sucks as enjoy it in so many things and its hard to avoid. Things such as chocolate as so many of you will know is a luxary I will miss a lot as well as Tea.

I can have a little caffeen so can have green tea’s and the occasional chocolate which I really appreciate but in general I’ve cut it out.

It was a kinda hell to start with, the cuttung out of caffeen. For about 3 weeks I had withdrawal effects of just headaches, exhaustion, tiredness, irratatable, light sensetivity, and general unhappyness – it felt it was never going to stop and then it did just that.

One morning I awoke and everything felt calm. When I went into work, I felt so happy people were asking what was up with me… I said “I have no pain, none at all. Its the clearest and calmest I’ve felt in about 2 years”

I discovered after a little pepsi on a night out my sensitivity to caffeen, that and chocolate – I’d not had it for a month and it was delicious but within about 2 hours I had headaches again. I stopped it all and they vanished… tried a cup of real tea and back again… Glad I found the trigger – not so happy that the trigger effects so much of my life.

I already miss the dairy milk chocolate, and the daily cup of tea althou I have found a love for the taste of loose leaf jasmin tea – it is quite tasty and relaxing.

Since my Last post…

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Since my last post many things have changed, and generally for the better.

Headaches none existant – which is glorious. Stopped migrane Meds (I was sick whenever I took them) and detoxed myself… now no more headaches, tummy issues, digestion issues and my weight is lowering too but still need to do a lot more exercise to get the fitness back.

My central heating boiler is apparently not at its best, but still heats the house well, currently shopping for costs of a new one… not that i’ve the money for it.

I’m feeling a lot happier in life, I think a lot of that is to do with not having headaches and not needing to concentrate to block stuff out. I’ve had a lot of good times recently, friends married, time out, lots of swimming…

Been going swimming before work about twice a week for a few weeks, started with about 5 to 10 minutes now upto nearer 30 minutes and its just swimming, gives me time to think, examine the day, pray, and just time out from everything while getting a little fitter and well, really waking up before work. One day I got lost in time and just got to work in time – still I seem to get a lot more done after a swimming start.

Still got a long way to go, but at least there is progress in a positive direction.

Random – Whats on my mind right now

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There are many things on my mind at the moment, some troubling, some I’d just like but many things all the same.. I list my thoughts in no particular order but more to get it down that I can refer too later.

Debts of money owed to banks, and loan people.

House mortgage

Garage roof that needs fixing

Front patio/garden hedge area that needs clearing and tidying

Central heating thats on its way out, and expensive to run – Apparently I may be able to apply for a grant to get a new one.

Work – Not really happy there, just working becasuse I have too and can do the job well.

I’d like another job, one where I can help others and be effective aswell as doing something for God. I feel that Ive stopped, and can’t see a way forward, I know there is oppertunities and I don’t seem to get stuck in doing things, they just pass by or responsabilites that hinder my available choices.

I really want to find someone I love, and who loves me and we start a family… and have lots of practice first before the family grows from us two. I’ve seen the joy of many friends with children and am quite jellous at times that i’ve not got that far yet.

I want to be fitter & healthier…

  • No more headaches, tummy issues, digestion issues, reduced weight back to how I was before but with the added fitness to be able to do more.
  • I miss being able to do little things in trampolining, as people rush ahead of me.
  • My balance isn’t what it should be, and sometimes that worries me.

I feel harvest, althou has helped me in the past is dwindling away due to low numbers and increasing costs. I’d like to help but feel many ideas are ignored.

Learning:
Adobe suite seems to have gone from my learning. It started good and then interest lost and nothing followed. I need to complete it and work on the next levels.
PHP 5/6 & mySQL – Slowly getting there… Not quite got the idea of Classes and OOP but will get there.
Business wise – lots left to learn. Need to update all the books, and records to show whats been happening.

Been learning about networking and need to make a map up of all connection I presently have…. Maybe an idea would be to make a small app online that allowed users to create a kind of connections map… and if people included their ID or shared it – it would link up to new connections and could show a mass network.

I miss many friends, and conections feel lost. I don’t want to loose them but we grow apart. Some friends I spent a lot of time with, but they went to university and I didn’t want to get in their way, I wanted them to grow with the people they were around and well… we just grew apart which was a disapointment. Whereas other frined, I don’t see for months or years and its like we were just chatting yesterday.

I look at my network of friends and say wow, I know so many and seem to have some very excellent and close friends which is so different to school times where I only had maybe 10 friends or 2 or 3 close ones. Amazingly 2 of those I am still great friends with and we often spend time together several times a week.

I am going to try and make up a networking map of all the connections I have, all the friends, what they do in life and any connections they wish to share. Build it up on a computer and see how many and who I know where… the thought of it feels awesomely huge and think it will take a while to do… Facebook will help too – just to remember the names and where I’ve met them from.

Just a few of the places I know people from include:

  • Harvest
  • Spring Harvest
  • Church
  • Trampolining
  • Dance
  • Holidays
  • Work
  • Business
  • University
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Online

Harvest – The End…

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The harvest committee has requested suggestions of which I have many. Not sure if they’ll take note of them but think that many could help with an added income to help keep the costs down for the youth that attend.

The stewarding teams are a new generation, seperate from what I would call team – the new members that had not been on a team before were very helpful most of the time, it seemed many of those that had done it before seemed to like the perceived power, and tried to use it as much as possable…

Stewarding in general at harvest is about helping keep people safe, ensuring people have a pass to actually get in, making sure exits are safe and clear incase of an incident, help clear a venue if required and helping ensure the place is clean & tidy. The general rules and regulations – there is more to it but its not a “I have the power to kick you off site attitude” as in reality – they do not.

I’ve had my moan about it, watching from the side of the non steward. I can see a lot of changes. Many kids were showing me bands (passes) and i wasn’t wearing a high vis jacket which was funny… and nice to know I’m recognised in some way.

I’ve made some new friends that are completly seperate from stewarding teams and some really awesome talks. Most of today consisted of meetings and talking it was quite awesome really. I’ve spoken for years that I’d like to get involved helping people and chatting but unable to stop as had to get on with a task. Now I’ve had time to do so and really learn more about my attitudes, thoughts and actions and what else I can do. My mind feels opened up.

This is my last full harvest that I’d be on a team and feel its now as an event should be run by the new generations. Maybe things will work out, maybe fall on its face but they need the chance to get further and learn from their mistakes as we did on different occasions over the years.

I will support it still, it helped me for many years. I started in 1994, then 1996 to 1998 as an attendee then moved to stewarding until last year (2009) and ministry team this year. I would like to try raise money for it as it is a recognised charity and as I’ve said above helped myself plus friends over a rough time of growing up.

I look at my Christian life time. Came Christian in 1989 (Journey in Belief), attended church (sunday school, youth church) regularly, went to church weekends away, started harvest 1994, went to uni was part of CU, and CU Committee, got baptised around 2001, got involved with events around country 2000 til now from Message 2000 to Harvest & IXth Hour, and Just 10. So out of the 21+ years of being a Christian, only 5 or 6 of them was without harvest in them so its still quite an impact in my life.

Harvest – Ready to give it all up

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I woke up today ready to give up for everything at harvest, I felt totally useless and not wanted, maybe from some people ignoring me or other things I’m not sure but I felt like what is the point of me being here

The day progressed, and a friend I’ve not seen since 2003 has joined the stewarding team, he reminded me a little of my past love for harvest with what now seems embarrasing yet fun times but all of which made me smile. Many people have said he seems strange, and sometimes he is but honest and will help as much as possable, something I’ve not seen in a while.

For the past few days I’ve wanted to help out and guide people in stewarding, something I’ve done for many years but could see the errors people were doing. I was back seat stewarding and not giving my all to the team I am now part of.

This year, I’m on the ministry team – there to try and help people and walk through things said and how people understand things and pray if wanted. For the majority of this harvest I’ve felt I’m not “good enough” and not “ready” to help and I’ve struggled with it. I went to the meetings, and stopped helping in general with the stewarding teams leaving them to it and only helping bits like moving chairs as can help.

This morning I was ready to pack up and leave, but felt that I should still go to the main meeting on the night and help out if I could… but generally give it all in and just go home. I felt a struggle between leaving and staying, a tug of war with my thoughts. I went and chatted with friends over some food and let my thoughts known. They listened, but didn’t advise – I didn’t need advice and I think they sensed that.

I let go of the stewarding idea, and concentrated on the ministry team. I found it hard to start with. I sat with a friend in a “sex” talk with the young people. They needed some from the ministry team to be there that was male, so I stuck around. Glad I did – some of the things said really hit home…

Thinking and remembering that God is with you in Everything and every where, can really change what you choose to do with your time. As I recall, praying in a morning also seemed to make me happier and content or joyful for the day so its something I’m planning to continue.

This evening I was in the main meeting listening to what was going on, I was aware as we were told in the ministry team meeting what was planned so I was ready, ready to go down to the front and hand out cards and pray with others…

Things didn’t quite go to plan. During the service I felt a drawing to God I’ve not felt in a long time. Things I’d forgotten could happen and felt joyful and upset at the same time but the words and feeling of “God is with you” came across a lot, although those words were not what was being said. It was another language said, but my mind told me it was “God is with you, and made you: you”

I had an overwhelming drawing to the front, I knew what was due to happen but still wasn’t really ready for it. People stood (as I knew was coming), I was standing ready to go forward and help – I felt drawn to go forward – “but I’m on team, its not for me” I thought, I felt I needed to ask permission to go forward and after what felt like a long time I just went, it was only seconds in reality.

I went to the front, and people prayed with me. I felt a clearing in my mind, that things started to make sense. For a while things have not made sense and I’ve been trying to do things to please others but not quite do what I want. I’ve wanted and struggled with the idea of “Trusting God in Everything” and probably always will, but tonight it makes sense and I can see it happening which feels quite awesome really.

Afterwards, I’ve been feeling quite awesome – very different to how I woke up… I’m looking forward to the morning and continuing whats next. In other news today, we had flood waters come down mid afternoon. Light spitting rain and then drowning waters pouring down.

I’d helped with tents, and went for a cuppa with friends of past and while inside there was a pour down and we thought that was bad… it was quite and calm for a few minutes and just when we thought it was all over the next drowning came.

We tried to seal the tent fast as it was like a river being forced through the door and into the tent. head of site team got soaked just stepping outside then inside again – it was funny but scary too by the shear amount of water. I automatically went to help and close the doors, as been done in the past – we got everything closed and it was over within a few minutes…
A mixture of high winds and heavy rain was quite a shock but reminded me of past harvest events which brought with it a suprised yet great smile and joy.

Nights ended, and looked into the sky to notice the sky is not flat as I’ve always seen it but distant in many ways… its strange and wonderful the change that contact lenses can have. I’m glad I’ve got them even thou it took me 20 minutes to get them to stay in – I’ve just left them in and will probably take them out sunday night if needed. On another note, the moon looks amazing in the sky tonight – almost full it looks. I’ve always loved a full moon look 🙂