OK, its been a while for me to write, and the last month or so has made a lot of difference in me. I feel i’m on a journey – one thats not finishing anytime soon but the scenary is quite awesome showing paths in so many directions… I just need to stop every so often and take a look around to see where these things lead.

So many paths, and which one to take.

I am currently in a cosy place in life – I have 2 jobs that I can do quite well, and earn about enough to just about cover my lifes expenses. I have a home and many friends from all over the country now. I am not truelly happy in life but content in general.

I find it funny, the idea that we all have different passions in life. Work is not one for me. I work so that I can live, not live so that I can work as many people do. I’ve always worked in IT as its something i’ve been able to do but not something i’ve always liked to be doing.

At the moment, I am aware of many paths in life. I can not see them, but aware they are there. Its quite confusing, but faith tells me that it’ll all be OK in the end… It may be bumpy but we’ll get there somehow – probably not the way I expect… but at the moment I don’t expect anything.

I am going to try over the next week or so talk about the last few weeks in my life, and some of the questions I’ve asked and am asking myself. Maybe others have input too – maybe not. But life does look like a curve ball is coming – I wonder if i’ll see it in time.

I’ve had headaches for a while and alothou I’ve not really had many in the last few weeks I don’t want any… The difference to now to last few weeks is work. I’ve not been to work so have probably been resting longer.

A friend suggested to me that I should try bed earlier, but I tend to sleep for just as long or short as if I go late on. Maybe I’ll get more done in a morning, or maybe i’ll just sleep more. I don’t know.

I’ll start by trying to go to bed for around midnight, and move down half an hour every few days til its 10pm. Which I still count as quite early. I’m often awake at 2am so it will be quite a change of page for the next few weeks.

I’ve tried narrowing out foods, drinks, exercise, general rest but not tried sleeping earlier… Assuming I wake up much earlier I could go swimming before work again – I know I liked that idea, althou a little crowded sometimes. Guess its fine as work is only across the carpark from the swimming pool.

Maybe it’ll help, maybe I’ll blend into the times everyone else seems to be sleeping at my age – I dont know but I guess i’ll see if I get headaches or not…

On another note, I’ve been refered to neo-rology – I think thats what it is… Cluster headaches is what I got told it is, but getting checked out anyways. Better to know than just to wonder.

So More sleep, or earlier sleep – I read once that the extra sleep before midnight was better for you than after. Not sure how that works – I think it was to get people to go to sleep earlier.

Ever wondered… what if… Beer cans.. hmm

I did earlier but for something silly. I wondered what would happen if I stabbed a box of beer cans with the garden fork so I did… I got a lot wetter than expected.

The thing is I had a box of old beer cans – all full, unopened cans that had been in my garage for a while – The garage leaked and the box that had the cans in filled up with a wierd guepy water like substance that didn’t smell nice and was kinda slimey so I went to clean them out.

While cleaning I realised all cans were at least 3 months out of date, some were 2008 – guess it shows how often I drink of them so thought drain and recycle the cans but have you tried opening cans and emptying – its boring so wondered what could do it faster… Then out came the Garden fork that was besides me.

A little stab here, and there and ka-boom, beer stuff everwhere. I did notice out of three (Boddingtons, strongbow(cider), and guiness) that Boddingtons seems to explode the best ripping the can apart.

I wish I had pictures but the camera would have probably been as covered as I was – I think I smelled like I’d had a few too many..

Are we a free people, what is it in life that makes us free. Are all people free in some way?

IF existance is the mind and the mind is just trapped within a body then no one is ever free as we are limited by what the body can provide. However if the mind is of the body but the mind is not just the body then everyone is free as the mind can take us anywhere if we allow it or give it direction.

To fly… Within dreams I like to fly – a freedom to go anywhere without fear, some may find it odd – I find it enjoyable and when I awake I always feel happy after a flying dream.

There is so much pain in the world – so much hunger, poverty and destruction aswell as wealth, glory, and happyness. There is more than enough on this planet to sustain us all and for everyone to be happy but greed often takes its toll and everything is not shared as needed.

Many of us feel what we think of as so many posative and negative emotions on a weekly if not daily basis that our moods are all over the place. People take drugs, herbs and alternative to try to feel more posative – is it right to do so?

Are they provided on the planet for the reason to make us feel better or were they actually produced so that they helped provide for animals or other plant life? I don’t know but do know that people in general try to use things for themselves as much as possable before looking out to others.

Here people are generally free, but we are governed by an overseeing society that tracks so much.

Think supermarket and those vouchers you got because you’d bought something before so much the supermarket now thinks they know what you’ll like so you’ll come back again and again.

A Free People – possable maybe, in reality not BUT its a nice idea

Did we have a choice in how we are? am I writing this or you reading this by choice or is it a pre-programmed sequence that was always known to happen from a base calculation that expodentially carries on into something we can not possably understand as so many variables are now in place.

I have heard there are plans for life, a plan for every person but we have a choice whether to follow the plan or take our own direction. Does taking our own plan affect others, does our choice not to follow the plan of life stop another from completing theirs – i’d think it could.

If it is known how the plan will procede, and that it will happen a set way where is the choice? The idea of a choice is nice as it makes you think you are in control but with so many outside variables how are we ever in control to even have a choice.

We are given a set of directions, we know from past experiences what some will do so we follow what we feel is right, circumstances direct our path – we think we’ve made a choice where weve actually followed the path that was set out. Choice may have been there but was it us that made them?

Using the mind we can control so much of ourselves. Subconciously we control everything within our bodies such as breathing, moving blood around, generating energy and using it, creating skin and repairing self among lots of other things.

We can train ourselves to do so much more but it often forgotten that the mind is the control. We train ourselves to do sports, move our bodies in different ways to different actions. We learn to read and write – processing patterns and replicating them with movements all controlled with the mind.

How about when we choose to control some of the subconsious things in life. For example while swimming, we control our breathing so we don’t swallow water and drown ourselves.

What if we took control of other things like healing – I don’t think it will be simple but think its viable to do. Our mind knows how to heal the body – its been doing it automatically in the background – but what if we give it a priority. Is it possable – I Think it is and hope to procede further with it.

Many years ago at school (in the early 1990’s) I learned that I could lower my temperature in my hands and feet by thought. It took concentration, and trying to quieten everything around me so that I could cool down.

I understood that when blood circulation is slowed down, the body wasn’t working as hard and didn’t produce the heat that kept the body warm. I’m not sure if its true that but in my mind it conciously logically made sense and seemed to cool my hands and feet down.

That was an experiment in life, I just wondered if it was true – it is very useful in a hot summer as some people can say my hands are freezing sometimes while its boiling hot everywhere.

It didn’t work right away, and took weeks of trying with an active imagination of what if, and then it worked.. Small problem is it takes ages for them to warm up again – I’ve not quite worked the reverse out yet and its over 15 years since I learned it.

I sometimes think about the existance of us all. Why we exist and what is existance – Are we existing because we are a person, or people or is it the mind that is what we are?

Are we just a mixture of memories moulded from time spent with other people or alone – mixed experiences or did we have something before that? Something we liked, enjoyed, hated. Did we have habits pre-programmed into us that create who we are or help when mixed with an upbringing.

Is it just that – an upbringing – we are the people that other people made us – we had no before, we were born and then people and things around us made us who we are…

Is existance being a person – a body here for the world to see in general. When people are in accidents and loose a limb are they less of a person in existance terms – a question to ask yourself

Do we exist only when in this world or is there other levels of existance. Often i’ve seen that people say they’re is a higher state of existance – usually in a medatative state where the body is not where life is but where the mind is focused instead.

When I consider who I am, I think of myself not just as a body, a person but a mind within a body. The body is the shell that protects and holds our mind and allows us to interact with others on this plane of existance.

I believe we are on a journey and life, this existance within a body is one level that we procede through at one point in our journey. I believe that life has always existed and we did before here in this body and will continue well after.

The mind/soul does not require the body to exist but may require it to process information on this level and interact within this existance.

Sometimes it is odd what I think about and sometimes it just is.